My first shot at Love

DAI
May 13, 2026

Finding out you’re a lover boy for the first time has to be one of the weirdest experiences ever. That first relationship, that first realization that you can actually love that deeply, is something you never really forget.

I remember telling myself I was gonna take things slow. I genuinely believed I wouldn’t fall deeply in love until like 2–3 months into the relationship.

I was wrong.

I found myself smiling at just the thought of her smile. I found myself writing poetry about her six poems to be exact, even though she only got to read three. I loved her in a way I never thought I could love someone. New emotions, new thoughts, parts of myself I didn’t even know existed were suddenly born.

Mind you, this was someone I had an on and off talking stage with for almost six months. Yeah… long, I know.

Before we started dating, we had a fight and she blocked me. I blocked her back and just continued with life. At that point, I didn’t even care enough to fix things. To me, she was just a “friend” I flirted with.

Or at least that’s what I told myself.

A couple weeks later she called me from a different number. We talked, but never really came to a conclusion. Then she got one of my best friend’s numbers and sent a voice note explaining how much she missed me.

That voice note carried more emotion than almost anything I’d ever heard in my life.

She explained what I meant to her, what she liked about me, the little things she noticed. I remember smiling because it felt like she actually paid attention. Like she actually saw me.

That’s when I realized we had a real connection.

We started talking again, and this time it turned into a relationship.

I didn’t expect to feel so much emotion for someone, let alone feel it so intensely. She brought emotions out of me that I had never experienced before. We flirted, laughed, talked for hours, and created memories together. And the deeper those feelings became, the more I felt the need to put them onto paper.

So I wrote.

Amo ❤️‍🩹
I won’t exceed the level of being overly poetic on the one
But with this one I will have fun
Because I don’t have to overthink what I want to say
The words just flow to me because in my heart you in display.
A mazingly beautiful without competition
M aturity like a beacon followed with intuition
O verwhelmed because for you my heart faces no division
Y earning for divine expressions
O ver time , all is done with no questions
U ttered by poetry I hope they give good impressions
C omplex emotions are always restless
O verly inlove , am I ? I feel so careless
M anner of Love I question it not, because
P laced in the depths of all this shatters glass lies you
L ovely and radiant , perfection so true
E ven when all emotions are low the brief moment we communicate makes me feel whole again
T rapped in the emotion called Love , I don’t take it as a game
E verything makes sense , I soon found my lane
M ainly because I’ve never wanted love in the past
E mpty with emotion I saw no need
But somehow Amo you changed the whole script of things
Now I feel emotions so intense they are held together by strings
I want us to connect to share
To express and experience as a pair
Know my thoughts and I know yours
For better understanding like why the ocean has shores
I wanna know how you feel
What makes you tick , I wanna know the deal
If I continue I won’t reach a conclusion
Because I see all in full resolution
Mmmmm I shall live it here for now

Kept it as raw as possible, no correcting spelling errors , the way I wrote it , flat and raw. Sharing emotions and feelings to someone I hold dear to me, thought I’d get the same energy back, maybe a long message cherishing the poem or wanting to know the core message I put inside,

After all that all I got was a “ aww this is so cute , thank you “ and we went on with life like I didn’t just put a piece of my heart on a page.

Took me a while to realize that her response never really sat well with me.

Communication slowly started becoming one sided, but I was drowning in love so deeply that I didn’t even notice it happening until the whole poem incident.

She had this switch.

One moment she was the best girlfriend a nigga could ask for engaging in conversations, calling first, sending long voice notes about her day, spamming “I love you” like crazy. Flirting like crazy , even sending pictures and videos no other nigga was supposed to see, I remember when I dropped my EP and she reposted it saying:

“My man is gonna be a superstar!! Go Love ❤️”

I had never had someone make me feel the way she did, so I held onto every bit of it. Every call, every compliment, every soft moment.

But like I said… she had an on and off switch.

The next moment she’d become cold and nonchalant, almost distant. And whenever I asked about it, she’d just say,

“I’m always like that.”

I loved her so much I almost sent her money once.

My friend stopped me before I could do it.

I was having issues with my banking apps, so he was the only person who could’ve helped me send it. That nigga looked at me and said:

“NO.”

Later on, I realized how much he actually helped me.

Fast forward, we had another disagreement. She always had a habit of running away from uncomfortable conversations, but that day she stayed.

And honestly, in that moment, I know I was wrong.

I forgot exactly what I did, but it had something to do with her practice and me not checking up on her properly. I apologized, genuinely too. But somehow that seemed to make her even more irritated.

It was strange.

It felt like me taking accountability was slowly pissing her off. And it wasn’t even the first time I had apologized for something I genuinely felt I was wrong for.

All she sent back was:

“😒”

Then she disappeared.

John Cena’d my ass

After that, I sent one more message asking if she was okay.

Faaaa… no response.

I stopped texting after that because I wanted to give her space. The next morning I sent a simple:

“Good morning.”

Ts marinated there.

Hours passed. Nothing.

I sent two more messages asking if everything was okay and apologizing again. Slowly, love started feeling like pain because I began overthinking everything. I started wondering if I had actually done something way worse than I thought.

And the silence made it heavier.

Those two days felt endless. She had a tournament that weekend, and by Friday it was already day three of us barely speaking. I still sent her a good luck message with a personalized note I wrote on an image.

Mized.

I forgot to mention I had her cousin’s number. I actually knew her cousin before I even knew my ex that’s basically how me and Amo met. But I told myself I wasn’t gonna ask her anything. I was gonna handle it like a real nigga and stay composed.

Then the weekend passed.

Meanwhile her cousin was posting screenshots of Amo’s statuses , statuses I couldn’t even see.

Fahhhhh.

My heart dropped instantly.

But even then, I didn’t react. She looked happy, and honestly I was glad she was okay… but at the same time my heart was slowly breaking. It was the first time we had gone that long without talking since the relationship started.

Back then, before we dated, distance never bothered me because there wasn’t really attachment yet.

But this time?

I was going crazy.

Sunday came and I finally put my pride aside and texted her cousin. Biggest regret.

I just asked if Amo was okay, but the attitude I got back was through the roof. And I’m not the type to sit there and accept disrespect, so I just left it alone.

Around 21:00, while they were coming back from the tournament, I got a call from her.

“Hello?”

“Rea o sharp.”

“Yha ke sharp wena.”

The background was loud ,her friends singing, laughing, enjoying themselves.

Then she said:

“Can you leave me alone? I need space. We’ll talk about us when I’m ready.”

Ai.

She dropped the call before I could even say anything.

That night I felt like I went to sleep bleeding because deep down, I already knew it was over.

I was never really the type to run to my friends about relationship problems. They knew I was dating, but they never knew the other side of things the coldness, the confusion, the emotional switch ups Until after.

The next day at school, during assembly, I was visibly not okay, so I just told everyone I was sick.

While the principal was talking, I kept thinking about her. My eyes started watering. I wanted to disappear so badly.

We started praying, and those tears were hanging on by a thread. The second I heard “Amen,” I got up and got out of there immediately.

I went upstairs and bumped into someone I knew.

“Are you okay?”

Tf bro??

Did they not teach y’all about triggers? Every cultured person knows that question opens the floodgates immediately 😭

But hey… those tears finally came falling.

I went to one of the corner classrooms on the other side of the school just to be alone for a bit. I’m guessing the other nigga told my friends what was going on because not long after, they came looking for me and found me there.

I kinda explained what was going on, but I pulled myself together pretty quickly. Still, my eyes were red as hell and people could tell something was wrong.

I felt weak, man.

I had always been the type to say

“I’ll never cry over a girl.”

Yet there I was hurt, emotional, crying over someone I genuinely loved.

And honestly?

I kept asking myself

“Is this what love is?”

Aye man… it was an experience, ngl.

We didn’t speak again for that entire week.

Then that Saturday, I got a call from her.

And weirdly enough, she was acting like everything was normal.

We talked for a long time about life, about us, about everything that had happened.

Then she said something that stuck with me.

She told me I deserved someone better. Someone who would actually reciprocate my emotions and effort. She said I was a great guy, a great boyfriend even… but she wasn’t ideal for me.

I had a lot to say about that statement because to me she was perfect man ngl , smart , hardworking and just perfect , but I grew ignorant to some of the things I wasn’t ok with because I was so blinded by love , she saw things I subconsciously chose to ignore because of love.

But her thinking she wasn’t ideal ?

And I don’t know what hurt more

the fact that she believed that, or the fact that deep down, I was starting to realize she might’ve been right. I started to consider everything my Hg said about her. I Explained everything to her during the week of me and Amo not talking, she basically said we are two people that love differently, We love each other but are we happy ?

She doubled down and said hopefully we can be friends and all and at the end of the call she said

I still Love you , that will never stop

Ahhhh gents that put me in a mental trap coz why would you say that after breaking up with me fam

I remeber I ran to music man , my love for it grew stronger after that, that break up didn’t hit as hard because the 2 week window gave me time to actually clock that there’s no saving what me and her had, and that last statement gave me hope for the future I guess, she said she still loved me.

I remember I had YATTA BANDZ on repeat 😭😭

This song specifically

That’s not even how it ended though.

At first I thought

Aye man… my first heartbreak. This is calm.”

I accepted being single and started trying to move on. I went through some deep introspective shii too. I started discovering things about myself that I genuinely didn’t know before, and for that I’ll always appreciate her and the relationship fr.

But tell me why… not even a week later, on a random Monday night, her cousin screenshots Amo’s status and reposts it with

“Amo mara 🤣 gone girl.”

The image she reposted was a marriage certificate.

Another nigga’s name was on it.

And the date on the certificate?

It was during our relationship.

I just froze.

genuinely couldn’t process what I was looking at.

I told my friends, and yeah… they started telling me the things I didn’t want to hear. Or maybe the things I just didn’t want to accept.

I got cheated on.

Suddenly everything started replaying in my head differently. The coldness. The disappearing acts. The switch ups. The distance.

I started feeling like I had been getting played the whole time.

And that pain came back again this time worse. Because now the conclusion we reached during that final call started feeling fake too.

“You deserve better.”
“You’re a great boyfriend.”
“I’m not ideal for you.”

All of it started sounding less like honesty and more like a softer way of leaving without telling the full truth.

I started overthinking way more than I needed to, ngl, and that just made everything heavier. Every memory suddenly felt suspicious. Every sweet moment started feeling questioned.

But I never confronted her about it.

I just deleted her numbers.

Then a couple months later, for the first time since she ghosted me, I randomly saw her status again.

She had posted a guy saying:

“Happy birthday baby ❤️ hope you have it blessed. I love you.”

Huh? Ema Nyana

That word was genuinely all my mind could produce.

Because now I wasn’t even trying to figure out when I lost her anymore.

I was trying to figure out if I ever really had her at all.

And mind you… this was a completely different dude.

The lore behind him was insane.
His name was Gift, and she had actually told me about him before we even started dating. She told me how they met and everything surrounding it. Apparently he wanted her, but she didn’t want him like that. Her friends encouraged her to at least entertain him a little because their friend groups were connected.

She told me she lied to him about a lot of things even her age just to avoid letting him get too close physically, because according to her, Gift had made it clear from the jump that he wanted something from her. Marao

Then she told me about how they eventually found a spot at his estate and chilled there. One thing led to another… and they kissed.

But she always claimed there was never any emotional attachment on her side.

According to her, things eventually fell apart between them and he blocked her for the longest time. Then during our relationship, he suddenly unblocked her again.

And the crazy thing is… she actually told me that while we were dating.

But back then, I didn’t think much of it because I trusted her completely.

Now?

I started questioning everything.

My mind was connecting dots whether I wanted it to or not.

And honestly, that’s the point where I finally blocked her. Not because I hated her, but because I didn’t want to keep discovering things that would hurt me even more.

I was tired of overthinking.

Tired of replaying memories.

Tired of trying to figure out what was real and what wasn’t.

So instead of searching for more answers, I just walked away.

And somehow… that’s when I actually started moving on.

Of course even after this we’ve had instances where we would talk , 2 actually but that’s it , never spoke since

I never thought my first relationship would be like this but there it was 5-8 months of talking and 6 months or dating , some much needed character development.

But I did realize a lot of stuff about human nature and thought process that made me more insightful and knowledgeable coz instead of jumping from relationship to relationship I chose to learn more about myself.

But aye the talking stages and situationships along the way ? Muskont movies those ones

I didn’t intend for this to be a full on story time( even tho it’s summarised ) I just wanted to share a poem I wrote to her and I found myself saying all this , that poem means something to me and I wish things didn’t end the way they did for me to appreciate this poem even more.