How To Accommodate Busy Guests

Manners and Morals #9

Keturah Hickman

Apr 14, 2026

Manners and Morals is a series for the readers of Polite Company. If you have a pressing concern or curiosity about some interpersonal or theoretical drama, feel free to email me at keturahskorner(at)gmail(dot)com. Your question will be shared anonymously!

Hi Keturah,

I would love your thoughts on a dinner party.

The wife of my husband’s first cousin (we can call her Maria) had suggested we all get together to celebrate Chinese New Year (they have never done so and she was enthusiastic about seeing what that entails). My parents agreed to host it (since my father is Chinese it would make sense for us to do the hosting). Several weeks ago my dad sent out a text invitation to my husband’s parents as well as Maria and her husband. He specified the time and date in the invitation.

This weekend I messaged Maria to confirm whether or not her and her husband would still be able to join us. The two of us were supposed to meet yesterday for tea but she had to cancel to help a friend in crisis, so I wanted to make sure next weekend would still work for them.

She asked me for the time of the dinner and texted me that they “won’t be able to stay that late” due to a ticketed event that night. I told her to let me know if I should try to move the event a bit earlier (I was under the impression it was an evening event probably around 8 or 9pm). However she responded that their event is at 6:30!

At this point I realized we couldn’t move the dinner to 4pm (which would barely give them one and a half hours to join us since their event is thirty minutes away from my parents’ house). I also sell my art Saturday morning until 1, meaning I’d hardly have time to help make the dinner with my parents as the event calls for a pretty elaborate menu. I did end up talking to my parents today about whether or not we should be responsible for moving the dinner, but we decided it’s not really feasible, and also could be rude to my mother and father-in-law to last minute change the time of the dinner.

Dear Reader,

I appreciate your heart for spontaneous hospitality. It is good to be willing to adjust our plans and accommodate others — this is one of the most practical ways we have of living out the gospel in our everyday lives. However, this desire to please others can sometimes turn us into a “Martha Stewart”.

You did your part when you were willing to facilitate your husband’s cousin but making time for her. You are not obliged to bend over backwards for your guests, though. Authentic spontaneous hospitality isn’t ruled by the clock, which means it can’t be forced to fit into our busy lives. It is something that is performed freely and either one shows up or they don’t.

The introduction of industrial hospitality has increased the demands and expectations of Christian hospitality and changed it into something it was never meant to be. However, the roles of host and guest remain as constant as they were in the New Testament: Your part is to prepare the meal, “Maria’s” role was to sit at the feet of Jesus. You feed those who show up and leave the rest up to God.

You did right to not reschedule the meal. If your husband’s cousin can’t make it, so be it. My only advice to you at this point is to remind you of the Parable of the Banquet in the gospel of Luke. Remember the poor, the crippled, the blind and the lame!

Sincerely,

Keturah

Then Jesus said unto him, “A certain man made a great supper and bade many.

And he sent his servant at suppertime to say to them that were bidden, ‘Come, for all things are now ready.’

And they all with one accord began to make excuses. The first said unto him, ‘I have bought a piece of ground, and I need to go and see it. I pray thee have me excused.’

And another said, ‘I have bought five yoke of oxen, and I go to test them. I pray thee have me excused.’

And another said, ‘I have married a wife, and therefore I cannot come.’

So that servant came and showed his lord these things. Then the master of the house, being angry, said to his servant, ‘Go out quickly into the streets and lanes of the city, and bring in hither the poor and the maimed and the halt and the blind.’

And the servant said, ‘Lord, it is done as thou hast commanded, and yet there is room.’

And the lord said unto the servant, ‘Go out into the highways and hedges and compel them to come in, that my house may be filled.

For I say unto you that none of those men who were bidden shall taste of my supper.’”

Luke 14:16-24

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